It’s natural to want to stay away from people when they are crying. They can’t talk clearly and they are not very interesting when they are blubbering and their nose is running. I’ve always preferred to walk away when someone is crying until they are done.
However if you stay away from someone when they are crying they will think that you are not their friend. This is of course a ridiculous assumption. Just because I don’t want to be around someone when they are out of control doesn’t mean I’m not their friend. I just don’t see the point of hanging around if there is nothing I can do.
So if someone is crying, walk up to the person, pat them on the back two times, and say “there, there”.
Then tell them you will be over on the bench down the street reading and they can come over when they are done crying.
As long as they can see you they will know they are not alone and this will make them feel better.
This is called being supportive or “being there” for someone. “There” just means “in the area”. Being supportive means not running away even though that’s what you’d prefer to do.
That’s what friends do for each other.
When someone says “how are you doing?” just say “good, and you?”
They will then say “great, thanks”.
This is just a route activity people do so they don’t feel uncomfortable after making eye contact with someone they only casually know. It is used to remove yourself from further engagement without making the other person feel bad. They don’t really want to know how you are doing. If you really tell them how you are doing they will get annoyed with you.
I know, unbelievable but true!
When you are done talking to someone it is logical to want to walk way. However, if you just walk away it makes people upset.
So when you are done talking, and you no longer want to be around this person anymore, say something like “I’m done talking to you, so I’m going to leave now”.
That way they won’t think you are rude!
I know it sounds weird, but people get upset if you don’t look at them in the eye and smile. Not all the time, but you must do it on a semi regular basis, especially during conversation.
It’s not important if you are eating and never do it when showering with a group, like at the gym or in physical education class. Until it becomes automatic, you can set your watch or cell phone to give you periodical reminders to smile.
When in doubt if it’s an appropriate time to smile and make eye contact, just pretend you don’t see or hear them and walk way. They will then do the same and you can try again later.
The reason it’s good learn this route behavior is that it increases compliance among the people you know. People will get upset if you don’t smile and look them in the eye often enough and will withhold their support for your activities and goals. This just makes life needlessly difficult.
For example, I’ve discovered that the success rate for a request for a piece of gum increases by 350% if I smile and make eye contact first. If I use their name as well, it increases to 525%.
Over the course of a lifetime that’s a significant increase in the amount of free gum you can enjoy.
arash on